I stopped at the farmer’s market today and a gregarious, young Greek guy with a soul patch waved me down and insisted I taste some of his hummus. If you know me, you know I’m a sucker for hummus. He was right about his hummus, it was delicious. As I tasted some of his other offerings, he aggressively flirted with every woman in sight. ”You have beautiful brown eyes,” he said to a young woman buying pita bread. ”Hello, beautiful lady!” he shouted to a non-beautiful lady.
I pulled out my wallet to buy some delicious hummus and set down a brown bag carrying a German beer I had just purchased and was planning on enjoying when I got home. He peeked inside the bag as I paid. ”I like what you have in the bag, my friend,” he said. ”Yep. Can’t wait to get home and open it up,” I replied. ”I bet you can’t,” he said with a wink.
I continued on my way and when I got home I set down my hummus and beer and thought about that strange knowing wink the gregarious, young Greek guy with a soul patch gave me. I glanced down into the brown bag and saw the LA Weekly I had crammed in the bag next to the beer. On the back of the LA Weekly, as there always is, there’s a half-naked girl in an American Apparel ad. I then made the connection. Being a horny foreign guy, he must have assumed it was a porno mag and probably thought I was heading straight home to open it up and masturbate to it while enjoying his delicious hummus. For reasons I will never understand, he felt the need to comment and encourage my afternoon of masturbation with a wink. Creepy, right?
I’m not sure I’ll be buying any more hummus from this stand. It is really delicious, though, and I’m eating it right now and washing it down with a German hefeweizen.
I’m also really enjoying masturbating to this American Apparel ad on the back of my LA Weekly.